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Copyright {SYMBOL 211 f "Symbol"} "The Rune" 1992.
Family Law
by Misraelia and Frater Arjuna
A couple is getting a divorce. They have a child. Although the parents no longer love each other, they both say they love and want custody of the child. It happens every day court is in session, many times a day. Sometimes both parents want custody of the child so much that they do not recognize that an amicable arrangement is in the child's best interest. Solomon's trick may have worked in the Bible, but it's not going to fool anybody in a vicious custody battle. Sometimes it almost seems that if the judge announced, "OK, I'm going to cut the kid in half and give one half to each parent," each parent would say, not "Spare the child," but "I want the biggest half."
Of course, we all hope that if we are ever called upon to cope with such a stressful situation, we will rise to the occasion with character strengthened by love and our spiritual beliefs. Human nature being what it is, however, it is all too easy to get caught up in the emotional trauma and strike out in anger.
For a pagan person, child custody proceedings may be filled with even more fear than the normal court proceedings. What if one spouse -- desperate for any means to gain custody of the child, no matter what the cost -- accuses the other spouse of Paganism or Witchcraft? The implication, of course, is that practicing Paganism or Witchcraft is such unusual behavior that it makes one unfit to be a parent, or -- at least -- less fit than a parent who professes Christianity (or no particular religion at all). How does one defend oneself in such a situation?
A layman's first reaction might be, "The situation will never arise. We have a first amendment guarantee of freedom of religion here in the United States, and nobody has the legal right to accuse me of being an unfit parent because of my religion." The layman's first reaction would be right, of course. To an extent.
Just because nobody has the legal right to discriminate against you on the basis of religion doesn't mean they aren't going to try it. Ordinarily, there are no juries involved in divorce cases. Judges, though, being human, can often be swayed by emotional issues, particularly when it comes to inflammatory accusations such as "She's a Witch" or "He's a Pagan." Sure, an attorney has no right to make such an accusation. You know that, and I know that, and the attorneys and the judges know that. Unfortunately, it's awfully hard to take something back once it's been said. It's kind of like trying to un-ring the bell.
A judge who has a problem with Witchcraft or Paganism (particularly, for example, if the judge is a fundamentalist Christian), may be inclined to give custody to the non-pagan parent, no matter how many years of legal training and experience the judge may have. Even a judge who doesn't have any strong personal religious convictions may think Paganism or Witchcraft is unusual behavior, and may be inclined to give custody of the child to the more "stable" parent, in other words, to the non-Pagan parent.
Goddess forbid, but if you do ever find yourself in such a situation, we have some ideas that might be useful. Please be advised that this is definitely not legal advice. For legal advice, you must consult an attorney.
1. If you can control the situation at all, try not to let your divorce take place in an area that is not open to alternative religious ideas (translation: if at all possible, don't get divorced in the Bible belt). This "if you can control the situation at all" is a big "if," I know. However, what a lot of people don't realize is that the court where the original divorce was decreed has jurisdiction over any future modifications of the divorce, including changes in child custody. For example, let's say that you have custody of your child and you've been living in Los Angeles for the past five years. Before that, you lived in Springfield, Mo. (home of at least three Bible colleges, including Jerry Falwell's alma mater), and that's where your divorce took place. Your ex-spouse has been living in New York for a couple of years. If your ex decides to sue for custody now, there's a good chance the custody battle may take place not in New York and not in Los Angeles, but in Springfield, with all those Bible colleges all over the place. And believe me, there's a reason why those Bible colleges chose to locate in Springfield, Mo. When your ex accuses you of being a Witch in court, you're going to have problems. What can you do to resolve those problems? Nothing, if the divorce has already been granted. If you're not yet divorced, you might look into separating from your spouse, moving to a city outside the Bible belt, establishing legal residency, and filing for divorce there. I realize such a move would not be possible for most people. It's actually less of a practical suggestion and more of an illustration of how messy a divorce can be, particularly a divorce with children involved.
2. Try not to look or act like a pagan person or a witch. Yes, I am advising you to act like a hypocrite. I am advising you to act like a hypocrite if it is in your own best interests and in the best interests of your child. Do not under any circumstances volunteer the fact that you are a Pagan or a Witch. Do not dress all in black and wear black nail polish to court, or even to depositions. (Depositions, by the way, are fact-finding sessions that take place before you actually go to court. Depositions are called by the attorneys and involve questioning under oath. Should interesting information be uncovered during depositions, it's a safe bet it will be brought up in court.)
It might also be a good idea to scrape the bumper sticker off your car that says "My other car is a broom." Leave your nose ring and your Isis earrings and any other jewelry that could possibly be interpreted as "pagan" or "unusual" at home. Particularly, do not wear your pentagram to a deposition or to court. Dress like a banker. Do not give your ex-spouse's attorney any clue, any opening to ask "Why are you wearing that pentagram?" or "Are you a Witch?" Even if you ex-spouse doesn't suggest accusing you of Witchcraft, a savvy and aggressive attorney might do so anyway, in order to get a better settlement.
3. What if you think your child might volunteer the information that you are a Pagan or a Witch during custody hearings? Children do say the darndest things, like "I like to play dress-up in Mommy's black Witchcraft robes," or "All the people at Daddy's coven meeting look funny naked." If the child is old enough, you might want to introduce the concept of lying in the context of situational ethics. But what do I know? This is an article about legal issues, anyway, not ethics or parenting. Which brings me to my next suggestion...
4. If the issue of Witchcraft or Paganism is raised, conduct yourself with dignity. Use this opportunity to educate the judge about your spiritual beliefs. Do your darndest to impress everybody with the sincerity of your religious convictions. You might, just might, get lucky and convince the judge to decide the question of who gets custody based on your abilities as a parent, and not based on religious prejudices. Don't count on it, though. I am by nature an optimistic person, but also a realistic one. If you are truly convinced that you are the most fit parent for your child, it is better to behave like a hypocrite and gain custody than to grandstand for Paganism and lose your child. The Lord and the Lady will understand.
5. Get a good attorney and make sure you tell your attorney in advance that you are a Pagan, if it is at all possible that the issue will be raised during the divorce and custody proceedings. No matter how talented an attorney is, he or she cannot represent you well if you withhold crucial information. Don't let your attorney get caught off guard. It won't help your case any if your ex accuses you of Witchcraft in the final hearing before the judge, and this is the first time your attorney's heard the "W" word. If your attorney knows the issue may come up ahead of time, he or she will be able to develop a strategy to deal with it. Attorneys hate getting blindsided in court. It's not fun.
You would probably feel most comfortable discussing the issue with a fellow Pagan as your attorney. However, Pagan attorneys are few and hard to come by. Whatever your attorney's religious inclinations are, it is important that this be a person open minded enough to represent you even after you've revealed the not-so-awful truth, as well as a person you feel comfortable with. How do you find such a paragon? Ask around. Surely you can find other Pagans who've gotten divorced. Could they recommend any attorneys to you?
If you started reading this article expecting all sorts of legal information that will guarantee you won't be discriminated against in court, I guarantee you're not going to get what you expected. I have nothing else to add. It is my hope, however, that some of these suggestions may be of practical assistance if you ever face a custody battle in which the issue of Witchcraft or Paganism is raised. It is also my hope that you will never find yourself in such a situation.
May the blessings of the God and the Goddess be with you, your children, and even your ex-spouse, if a custody battle does ensue. You'll need it.
